Friday, June 18, 2010

The Official Jersey Shore parody/porn review, as only I, and Eden Fantasys can bring you.

This is my disclaimer:

If you are under the age of 18, related to me either by blood, marriage, or are a friend of my families. If you are easily offended, or have no desire to read about pornography..

DO NOT ENTER THIS PAGE. It contains adult content and awkward honesty that I prefer my relatives or adult friends of relatives just not read.

If you feel you will not be offended, or swear to never mention your reading this to me ( family, this means you) then please, by all means, continue on.



[caption id="attachment_931" align="alignleft" width="200" caption="The Official Jersey Shore Parody"][/caption]

I have to be honest. I am just laughing as I write this. Oh man, this could go in so many directions it's unbearable.

I got to work with Eden Fantasys when I very first began blogging & have been lucky enough to be able to begin to work with them again! I was browsing the site, thinking what to review for my first time & I saw The Official Jersey Shore Porn Parody. I read celebrity gossip daily, so I'd already hea

rd about it. I thought, this could be hilarious, and lets face it, probably less uncomfortable than my writing my thoughts on a dildo, am I right?

I remember once, when I was just a kid sneaking my sisters magazines, like YM, Seventeen, Glamour, etc reading an article that said you should always be able to laugh in bed, with your partner.

For some reason, that's always stuck with me & I thought, what better to bring about some laughs, in a bit of a different way! I loved the Jersey Shore, I admit. The Man of course was like "No, I absolutely do not want you to bring any porn into this house & force me to watch it."

Haha. No, he's a man, he was like "Totally."

I just don't think I realized what I was getting myself into until this big double disc set showed up on my door step!

I personally would not call myself a porn advocate. I took a womens studies class & watched a movie about women who were in the porn industry that I kid you not, scarred me for life. I mean, people actually walked out of the class & never returned. It was that disturbing.

However, the porn industry is a HUGE business & it is a very "used" industry, and like any business, if run correctly, can be a lucrative business.Some couples enjoy watching together, some prefer it alone with Rosie Palm, some like the humor in DVD's like the Jersey Shore & some just all around like porn. To each their own.

There are levels of porn, from the soft stuff on HBO under "late night" to some seriously wacked out things that people do, on film. I'd say that the Jersey Shore Parody is definitely not "soft core."

It is category hilarious.

They introduce all the characters & they do get right to business. It features sex in all three holes. I'll say that much. There is no girl on girl action, or boy on boy either. There is a LOT of partner swapping, spitting & catch phrases like "Ooh, your so juicy, you big juice head! You make my pussy sweat" (Sweat? I mean..sweat? Sweaty crotch? Swchwety balls? This is good?) and the popular "You're a Jersey Whore" phrase.

The girls are hilarious, from the Snooki character who constantly says "Fuck my life" and throws herself all over every man she meets, only to be called Frodo & pushed aside, to the gum cracking, gold chain sweatin' girls who can't stop talking about how hawt these juiceheads get them.

I haven't actually watched a lot of porn. I wouldn't consider myself a conniseur. But on the other hand,I've seen some fucked up shit that other people have not & will not ever watch. What can I say....I'm curious! There were parties, or college events/social settings where other comedic proformances were on, for laughs. I was a bit surprised that don't use condoms. I know that STD testing is huge in the porn world, but man.. There is one scene with about 4-5 guys and 2 girls that I literally couldn't think of anything but how many "juices" were being swapped!

It has Lisa Ann, better known as the Sarah Palin lookalike in "Who's Nailin' Paylin" doing what she, uh, does best, as Snooki's mom who eventually ends the movie by demanding her daughter get the fucking she deserves, which inevitably leads up to the large sex scene with several Jersey Shore boys as well as the random men who, in great porn style, just show up at the door.

Perks: It actually was hilarious. Both Mike & I laughed, a lot. Mostly when they were talking. Seeing wigs being tugged back into place after being pulled in the heat of the moment is kind of silly anyway you look at it, not to mention the "acting" is extreme, dramatic & giggleworthy.

Cons: Snooki was pretty annoying, and I will call her ... a boner killer. There I said it. I think that if a couple were watching this to use to get into the mood, well, when Snooki comes on, that mood is going to go away. Seriously. She's really annoying, to sum it up in one word.

I know that the movie is supposed to be over the top & a parody, which is really is, but in the attempt to be outrageous & hilarious some of the sexiness really really really gets lost. Maybe it's just me, seeing loogies spit onto boners for more lube really doesn't get me in the mood, in fact, it makes me gag. I have a thing with people hocking loogies, it makes me get all bile-y in the back of my throat & uuhh I have to stop talking before I barf.

Yeah. They should have invested in a pump tube of lube to carry around. I don't know, like I said, I don't watch much porn, so maybe loogies for lube is the way they like it, but it really grossed me out, personally.

I give it a B-

Why a B minus? Because this is a parody,and they parodies the hell out of it, believe me. I feel a bit like it's more of a parody than a porn, and they did a really good job with it, on that angle. I can't give an A because the porn side of it actually turned both Mike & I off... a bit.

I think this is a perfect DVD for someone who has a porn appreciation to begin with, or really is into porn parodies, as there are so many out there. I'd say age range from 18-26 single males is the target category here. Just because it didn't do the trick for me, doesn't mean it won't for you! That's what makes shopping for sex toys and bedroom accessories so much fun, and Eden Fantasys has something for everyone, be it a beginner just looking into trying something new, or an old pro looking for something completely kinky.

product picture
DVD by Zero Tolerance
Cast: Sara Sloane, Mick Blue, Ann Marie Rios, Kagney Linn Karter
Director: Brian Bangs
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.
One reader will win a $25 gift certificate to Eden Fantasys to pick out some goodies for themselves!!

Here is how to win it, this is going to be different than I've done before, so.. Yay for something fun, easy & new.

MAKE SURE You leave your email. I HAVE to be able to find it to contact you.

ENTER:You can enter as many times as you'd like, all you have to do is comment. You can talk amongst yourselves in replies to other comments, or leave your own just talking,the key is, it has to stay ON TOPIC. What is the topic? Anything in relation to Eden Fantasys & this blog entry.

Examples:

1.)Link up to what you'd spend your $25 on.Don't be shy. I won't judge.

2.) "One time I saw this porn..." Tell a story that reading this make you think of,a joke it made you think of, etc.

Basically, just keep your comments in relation to sex toys, porn & Edens Fantasys. That should be ridiculously easy for all the perverts that I know read this blog. Yes YOU. I'm not going to say names, but seriously? Moms are SUCH pervs.. I never met a bigger group of awesome fucking perverts until I made all the mom friends who are reading this very blog, right now. I love you bitches.

Have fun!!! I'll draw a winner July 14th, 2010 using Random.org.

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