Friday, May 28, 2010

I couldnt make this up if I tried.

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I realized this week, that my entire life, I've thought I was graceful. I just thought really stupid, awkward, embarrassing shit happened to me, a lot..
Turns out, I'm a klutz, and a walking fucking disaster.
I can only imagine how many people from my past are secretly reading this thinking "she just NOW realized this?"

First day at college, mini skirt, from lawn, walking down the steps , I rode the steps, with my ass.One rainy day, I woke up early & decided to do my hair, cute shoes, skirt, etc for morning classes. Anyone who has ever been to Ohio University should know, the wooden steps, leading down to the West Green. Like.. 50 ish steps? I took atleast 20 of them, on my ass, again. in the rain. I laughed & went to class, where I announced it, as I walked in & checked out my stained self, once inside.

I swear to you, this is what just happened, outside in my back yard.

I was being stupid, and lighting those fucking cotton things on fire. I TOLD you not to do this & THIS is why. Yes, I know, stupid me, right? You should never never never play with fire.

But, I did, and suddenly I found myself jumping, at a shockingly fast speed ( of which I will gloat over, when my heart stops screaming) over the rusty metal fence that separates my yard, from my neighbors to roll out the ground before the car, which yes, was on fire.

However, in the process of using my bad ass lightening fast fence jumping skills, the crotch of my shorts caught on the top of the fence, while my body went over.

AWKWARD.

I managed to basically hang from the fence, by my pants crotch for what felt like a minute, before scrambling off to stamp out the ground.

I got it out.Then I crouched, looked & ran as fast as I could around the fence to my own yard, again (yes, for a second I considered scaling back over, then I was like" ouch, my crotch hurts!") and will never ever ever play with fire again. Totally fucking stupid, I'm such a fucktard.

I will also now be wearing underwear when I leave the house, even if it's just the back yard.

PS- I get tetanus on my vagina & have to go to a doctor & explain this, I am going to be so fucking pissed at my life.

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