Monday, May 3, 2010

Here's the story, morning glory.

Ugh. That 3 letter not such a word sums up how my last week or so, have been. Ugh.

I don't know how you top bloggers do it, especially those of you with kids. Do you just have amazing children that are like "Oh mommy? Oh, your blogging?? Sorry!!"  because I've been using the "Mommy has to work" for awhile & all it gets me is "Don't you work Mommy!! Don't you sit at that computer!!!"
Yes, seriously. Andy had a crabby day & that is exactly what he recently told me.

I mean, what do you say to that? He's not even 4. I was like "Ok.." and went & played trains. I mean, damn, I really didn't have any other option, he TOLD me!

It's the end of the semester, for Mike. It's a pretty crucial time, HUGE projects, final exams, a bunch of crap with numbers & words that I don't understand, or wish to. Needless to say, he's been stressed & very busy. I've been stressed. Ryan has been popping out molars which apparently never end.I hate molars.They're only good for like, chewing.

We've had a fun last few weeks!
Thankfully, in a week it will be over. For now.
Then Summer starts, which means summer classes.
We. Are.ALMOST. There.

I just have to keep reminding myself.

So, I've been pretty busy with the mons-kiddos since Mike has been MIA so much. We've planted our garden ( post coming soon!) and we've been staying busy with the nice weather & lots of Spring Cleaning. However, lately it's been a bit more than that, for me.

I go through stages, sometimes I have a lot to say, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have a lot to say, but can't share.Well, it isn't that I can't, it's that I've chosen not to do so.
I originally started my blog to talk about anything, but I think, like anyone who then experiences the Internet, realized that it's occasionally easier said than done.

I'd LOVE to tell you the juicy gossip. I'd love to share family feuds, drama & the madness that goes on. However, I've learned several things since I began blogging back in 2005.
Don't say anything, you can't own up to & don't talk about family members.
I say what I think, under my own name & I let the shit fly. I always have & I always will.I lack a filter, in many many ways.

However, as mentioned, the Internet, well, as every blogger, or user knows, it's open for any & everyone to see.
When I first began writing (think MySpace blog ) , I wrote a very private, painful bitch about a family member who was verbally assaulting me.
Well,that's how I took it.
Being pregnant & 1300 miles from family, when someone consistently mentions nothing other than your weight, every single time they see you, a gal begins to think things like "Wow. Fuck you bitch"
I obviously did & I wrote  privately, to my MySpace friends, about how pissed I was, how hurt I was & how if this person thought they could insult me repetitively & then hop on into my life once the baby was born, they were SORELY mistaken.
I chose to vent to my list of friends, unknowing that another family member would find said blog that was obviously very privately written, print it & give it to the person it was about.

Lesson learned.
Don't call pregnant, hormonal chicks fat, or be mean to them.You will be talked about.

Since then, I began public blogging & I've said dozens of times that what I say, I'll always own & accept as my words but if you don't like it, quite frankly, quit fucking reading!

However, I've found myself, now sitting here, with jokes, or stories, or lessons to be taught through writing, unable to finish my post because opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.

This IS my place to talk. I talk with out stating names, I talk with out being offensive. I mean, yeah, I'm a bit offensive, but I'm not sitting here like "Fuck that Sarah Jones, she is an ugly fat cunt"
THAT'S pretty offensive. And direct.And, I really hope no one who reads this is named Sarah Jones, because I just picked the name at random, I swear.
I think the worst I've said is how I feel with out super harsh words ,with no names, or direct pointers usually in a humorous tone, at people in the past, but I've also just been letting stories slide by me.
Why bother sharing?
SOMEONE is bound to get pissed.

I started a post, awhile back called "Only God can judge you. Unless your on the Internet. Then your fair game" but I never finished it.
At the time, I was on a private message board with some amazing women, most of whom I've known for close to 4 years..Several women, for whatever personal reason really didnt like me & chose to accuse me of "trolling" to put it easiest, as a way to get their own personal anger, or hurt out. There was no rhyme or reason for it to be me, oh, other than the fact that I have a FormSpring account.

((crickets))

Yeah, a free, annonoymus account anyone in the world with Internet access can get. I've chalked it up to the fact that someone just had a vendetta, they also had an issue happen in their life & it was a good time to utilize it a long with their distaste for me.
However, I admit, the  Internet drama has turned me off from not only blogging,but the whole Internet/chatty/"making friends" thing , lately. It'd be one thing to have a stranger come on here, leave me an annon, comment telling me how shitty I am & how they hate me, but to have someone who you'd considered a friend, at one point, come out of left field & share how they TRULY feel about you, well, it doesnt feel so good.

I didn't blog about it at the time because it's no ones business, it happened & it's done. I didnt do anything wrong & I truly feel bad for that person, they found themselves in an unfortunate situation & they chose to blame me, as a way to find an outlet for their anger.That's a normal, natural thing to do & unfortunately for me, I just got the brunt of it.

The whole mess, however, left me with an odd taste in my mouth. I say odd, because it isn't bad. I mean, it's always good to learn who your friends aren't, but it's been "just another" of those things, where it makes you take a step back & think about what you write, what you share & how much of yourself you show to those, even "friends" on the Internet.

I was reminded this morning, that it's better to say what you have to say, to be honest & be yourself & maybe lose some "followers" because your real readers are here for you.
They DO want to hear what you have to say.. Wait, why am I writing like this is about someone else?
You want to hear what I have to say,or else you wouldn't be reading this, right?!??! 

RIGHT! 

Or else, your just obsessed with me, stalking my blog waiting to read things like this, in which case..
I seeee you!! 
Statcounter, BlogFrog & other nifty tools to see who is reading now are my friend.So if you too, secretly hate me & hope I don;t know your still reading my blog, you might want to double check first, that your not showing up on any of my nice little counters. ((whispers)) It really blows your cover

It all just made me think. It's all true & was a much needed reminder, so Ian? Thanks.

I've been in the process of finding what exactly it is, that I want to do with this blog & this has all been a large gross onion ring tasting belch in the process for me.(Onion rings, one of those foods you get to enjoy again, when you burp..yum)
I don't want to be a giveaway blog, quite frankly, it's all a bit too much work & alot of yada yada for me. I'm just not that into it.
I like doing reviews, but I've been learning to Just Say No.
And since I quit drinking, I'm just not as funny, as often!

So, cheers. Here is to me finding my way & sharing who I am & what I have to say, and here is to YOU, who have found yourself in the same situation but come through, or, perhaps your IN this situation right now, having things to say, not sure if you should, or just all around not sure what to do with your blogging.
I haven't figured it out yet, and maybe I never will, but I can have fun trying, and if I lose a few readers a long the way?
So be it.
They obviously just aren't cool enough to appreciate things like this;


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5 comments:

  1. Aw hunny I stalk you often and try to comment alot but often My kids start bugging me and I forget my awesome comment and then I forget to comment at all and darn it my kids sucked out my brains, I think. I hope I still get to be an internet friend :). Because well because I rock like that :P. That last pic made me spit out coffee on my keyboard... seriously.. I am so glad my girls can't read yet LMAO.

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  2. Hold up, first of all this post is like mega long but I stopped at "top bloggers"

    What makes you think you aren't a "top blogger" and speaking of which, we are all equal :)

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  3. I get what your saying. I'm trying to be more myself on my blog and not worry about followers. I will continue to stalk you.

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  4. Claire, you are my friend and I wish you would come back to the board. I understand why you left and the whole situation was wrong .

    I know how you are feeling , whenever I say things sometimes certain people have talked smack about me or said passive aggressive comments which have really pissed me off. I always appreciate honesty, no bullshit and I am that way IRL and on the internet and I dont give a fuck :-) . I am up front with people and always have been and I like you and what you brought to the board. I just dont give a fuck what anyone thinks anymore and the petty crap doesnt matter, so I just ignore it. I do miss you around there friend.....

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  5. Dude a similar thing happened to me & it was a mess. The girls in question were obnoxious bitches who constantly stalked my blog, which is why I went private for a year and a half. Even now {though now I don't give a shit} they still are constantly reading. They also found out who was actually doing the trolling after the fact and never bothered to apologize for being cunt face bitches to the few of us they decided to target.

    My opinion? You're better off with real friends and not assholes.

    BTW, love the blog.

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