Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Moley moley moley!!!

Austin Powers, anyone? I must admit, as 13 year old boy'ish, as it is of me, it is impossible for me to hear the word "mole" with out picturing this..

OR this.
(PS. Remind me to tell you the story of my dad wackin' a mole, with a croquet mallet, as a kid. EEK!)

and hearing "moley moley MOLEY" in my head.  
I'd also like to say, I've been gagging, and refusing to look at my computer screen, while typing, so, typos be damned, my gag reflex can't handle the hairy fucking mole.

So. I'm going to the dermatologist, this week. I've been tossing around blogging about it after the fact, but I thought, why make you guys wait to have to look at hairy mole pictures? I can do before and after!

I have never been to a dermatologist. Ever. I'm a little scared, to be honest.
You see, I tanned a lot as a teen.. Like.. a lot as in Mike may or may not have thought I was Spanish the first time we met ( in my defense, it was a dimly lit bar, ok??) 
As I've gotten older, I've learned that it isn't a white lie to keep kids out of tanning beds, it does cause skin cancer. ( I know, shocker, right?) and I decided to ask my family doctor for a referral, just to be on the safe side.
Unfortunately for this story, I don't have any fabulously hairy moles, and if I did, I'd have probably tried to cut it off with scissors long ago.. fuck waiting for the derm, man. Hair + moles= no good for me

I got the referral & it sat in my car for a month while I forgot to ake the appointment. Eh.. I don't take my procrastinating lightly.

I sat down to pee one day recently, and opened my new Glamour to read while Andy sat on his potty, next to me.
What was this??
An article about skin cancer & checking moles ( dude, you can call em beauty marks all you want, but moley moley moley it is!)   Long story short, I'm fairly sure I have at LEAST 10 different spots of melanoma.

Seriously. I was all "Help me look at my back..what is that?? Oh.. a cookie crumb? Hmm..cookie.. " (it's hard to see certain spots of your back,try it!) and I checked every single piece of skin I could. Mike, growing up in Florida, had several spots removed as a kid, and I made him strip off his shirt, so I could peek & poke at any little moley moley's I found on him, too.

Now, do I really have melanoma? Hopefully not! But, I did make an appointment,for a full body skin check, just to keep up & up on my skin health.

You see, a quick slash of water, some soap & tanning aren't exactly healthy skin care regimens.. I guess.. It worked for me for 21 years, but the last 5, I've been learning the lesson that skin requires more care, protection & maintenance.

The lovely folks over at NEOCUTIS, a professional dermatological skin care company, that makes some amazing products sent me over some of their cleanser, to help me on my path of dermalogical rightness.
And. I. Love. It.
These are the cleansers & skin care products professionals use to clean, prepare & maintain the skin for further procedures. The wash is soft, it doesn't foam, or need lathering, it just goes right on & washes right off leaving my skin feeling soft & smooth. That's my favorite part of it, it doesn't scrub, or irritate my skin, which, having sensitive skin, is a huge plus.

I'm using the cleanser for sensitive skin,Neo Cleanser which also promotes anti aging ( cause 30 isn't THAT far away!)
NEOCUTIS makes products specially used & sold by professionals only, and I'm excited to see what the doctor has to tell me about  my skin, Neocutis & skin health, in general, this Thursday.
I of course, am hoping for "wow, your skin is gorgeous, you don't need any help, and your in perfect skin health" of course, but I'm also actually excited to learn more about what exactly dermatologists look for.

So my question is, for those of you who "have been" Do I have to get nekkid? I mean, seriously..that's my only question. Do I have to lay there, in my skivvies, or strip down? Should I wear a sports bra & maybe some full coverage boy shorts? I don't want to walk in & strip down, only to get a WTF look.
I know I know, they'll tell me what to do, but I like to be prepared.
Know what to expect.. no suprises for me!

So, those of you who have been, will you share a bit, with me?
And those of you who havent been.. you really should. I'm giving you a "judgey' face right now..
Do you not care about your skin health?? You know, your skin is your biggest organ.. you oughta take care of it!!
You guys should all make appointments with your own local dermatologist, ask them about which NEOCUTIS product is right for you & embark on my path of skin righteousness.
Oh..and get those hairy moles you don't want people to know about checked out!

Moley moley moley!!

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  1. Okay I am totally creeped out by those pix! I have been once and I need to go again. Because I am the same and sure the worst is happening to my skin and it must be cancer. My hubby of course just rolls his eyes and thinks I am all about the drama. From what I recall you do have to get naked. Which now that I think about it the reason I didn't go back was because the nurse was some asshat I went to HS with and was in the room. FUN TIMES!! But it is important so go and take care of yourself!

  2. I keep meaning to go get checked.

  3. As soon as I'm insured, the derm is my first appt!! Well, maybe the GYN, since I have MAJOR issues in that area....but the derm is a very close second!! LMAO @ the repeated use of the phrase 'moley moley moley!!' I'm an AP fanatic, and that's my favorite quote to utilize! Hairy mole = I just threw up in my mouth a little bit....WTF did they find that thing??!? UBER-nasty! And I'm in the same boat as you regarding the moley-moley-moleys...I have a ton, and I'm terrified that they're all going to turn out to be the kind of skin cancer you don't get over. My mom had skin cancer on her face, as did her father, and my mom also had recurring breast cancer (5 surgeries over 2 years), so I'm sweating my probable chances. I'm glad you're finally getting in there to have it all checked!! Maybe someday I can join those ranks myself. =)

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