For me, Easter consists mostly of Hersheys chocolate eggs & my ass getting fatter.
However, things like eggs & bunnies & chicks (Peeps, preferably) and I think someone mentioned some sort of Jesus thing once, are also apparently part of Easter too. Who know!?
The day before Easter, we took the boys, with my sister & brother in law, Matt, to the towns Easter egg hunt.
Apparently, hunt doesnt mean "lets hunt & search high & low for eggs,my children"
It means hunt like "you need to hunt, to survivie this cruel world.or you'll starve & die."
4,000 eggs, ages 9 and under. A really big park.
I was like "wow..la de da..this will be fun, I bet they'll be in the corners of trees with fairies hiding inside!!!"
There were 4 ropes off areas. 3 and under with parents, 3,4,5 with out parents, 6&7, and 8&9.
It looked a little like this.
It was ridiculous. I was standing there, taking it all in when a mom asks "Did you come last year?" I shook my head no.
"They go FAST" I smiled.. "no, FAST.. Like, it'll be over in a few minutes, my son is in the 7-9 age & last year one little girl didnt even get ONE egg, he gave her some of his, but it was awful, she was crying..it goes fast..you'll see"
The count down began, I saw my sister wrangle Ryan towards the 3 and under (with parents) area & the horn blew, I told Andy to grab the eggs, right next to him & I turned to go find my sister, as the guys had Andy. I walked in the egg pit, as I think I'll call it, not even 60 seconds after it started & it was DONE.
I mean, parents sitting counting their booty with their wee tots over.
Andy got 6 eggs, my sister grabbed Ryan 2.
It was intense.
Next year I'll bring a water bottle to squirt in Andys face, and we will train ahead of time, I'll rub his little shoulders with icy hot in preparation & tell him what a cruel world it is & that if little Jimmy tries to take his eggs, to tell little Jimmy that his mommy is a whore, and to fuck off.
Who the fuck are those kids who steal other kids eggs??
I'd like to meet their mother... and smack her.
I'm not talking about your toddler taking a toy from a playmates hands, I'm talking about that obnoxious kid who lives on your road who is all "ohh..wow..popscicles are my FAVORITE" as they stand and stare at your fridge, daily, in the summer, who will take your toy & smash it, or steal an egg from your basket..
Who the fuck are these kids & what is wrong with their parents that either made them this way, or didnt make em another way?? Anyone?? Bueller ?? Bueller??
We've recently had our first "neighborhood kid" talk.. maybe I should blog about it, as I obviously have some strong feelings eh?
So back to the eggs.
It was nuts, it was quick, and it was crazy. Who knew there was such madness with both children AND parents to get a made in china lead infested plastic egg with a choke-able prize inside?
But, it was fun,er..interesting, at least and no, I didn't push little Stevie down & steal him eggs, no matter what some of you may have heard