Help me give Mike a title

Mike totally needs a name, to go by, if I'm going to be talking about him on here more & all.


Pioneer Woman had Marlboro man 
Miss Yvonne has Captain Carl
Luci had Desi.
Uh..

I have Mike.

He need's a name.
Other than occasionally the loving title of "douche bag"  I just call him Mike.
I used to call him Mikey, but I don't as much anymore.
I'm all "grow the fuck up & be a man MIKE"
Maybe I'll just start calling him Michael & serving him Metamucil. THAT'S a sign your getting old.

So, really.

Help me.