Monday, February 1, 2010

Yes. I did just quote Paris Hilton.

I don't even know where to begin,with this post. I have so much running through my mind right now.

We had a rocky couple of months, over here, and things are still in the process of settling. I took a blog break for awhile, to focus on family.


This is the hardest point in our relationship, so far. Mike is in his senior year of college, as an adult. We have 2 small children & we wernt lucky enough to be trust fund babies, Mikes college & our bills, is being paid for right now, by private student loans, so that he can be a full time student & father, instead of a full tiem student & also full time worker of whatever job he could get in this bad economy.  There is no way he could manage his course load, projects, a full time job and still sleep, much less see his family. So, it's a worthy sacrifice for us, but that sure doesnt mean its easy!

Not to mention, everyone has a life & a past, things they don't share on their blog, or maybe just friends, or only even family know. And life was just kicking our asses, a few months ago.

One of the perks, of having a husband whose "job" is to be a student, is those awesome long winter & summer breaks! We had over THREE long weeks.

So, while people go back to work after Christmas, Mike didnt go back to school until the second week of January, then, the first week and a half was pretty easy, alot of his project sessions & labs weren't being held, until classes had been under way, with material to cover.

So, for me, its sort of like my 2010 got off to a 3 week late start, I'm still adjusting to a routine with the boys, its been a month since its just been the 3 of us, on a daily basis. I'm catching up with the house, all the new Christmas toys in this tiny space!! I am starting my own projects, because something I am trying to do, as I organize & clean, is find hobbies, or interests, or just crafts to do. I'm finding our "routine" still.

I feel like I need to take a minute, to remind MYSELF why I started this blog.

I wrote this post, back when I started this blog,

This blog was for me. It isn't to update family, or share kids stories, it's for me to be me. It was NEVER for anyone but me, not a family blog, not a "keep updated on Claires life & family" blog. Sometimes I do talk about the kids, or myself, but I got sidetracked with alot of reviews, which this year, will still be going on, just on a different level.

My mom emailed me recently  & said this;
'Your blog is like a different person from the stay-at-home mom, cloth
diapers, natural foods, attachment parenting stuff of a year ago, so I can't 'catch up' on the boys that way anymore' 
Mother, I love you, sorry to call you out here, I'm just using you as an example.. But, this blog was never meant for kid updates,or to preach my thoughts of attachment parenting or natural foods or necessarily, even for my family to follow (( cough cough)) I'm assuming the wondering of how penis measurements come to be, sparked this email, huh mom?

I can live that life, which I do, daily, as a mother, but this is my place to be CLAIRE. Not a wife, or a sister or daughter or mother. This is just supposed to be for ME. And it isn't. It hasn't been for a long time.

I am me. Unapologetic-ally, ME. I'd rather be hated, for who I am, than loved for who I'm not. Part of my realizations in the last few crappy months have been that I need to focus more on pleasing myself, than others, because at the end of the day, I need to be happy with ME.

I'm a mother & a wife. But I'm CLAIRE too. I'm the Claire that maybe all of 3 people ACTUALLY know, the Claire that has CRAZY thoughts & is dying to ask the world if they have them too. I hold back, alot, because this blog has gotten to be something that is for others, not for me, but I want it to be for ME again, damnit!

So my goal, for 2010, was to take back myself.

I want to remember who I am. If that means posting 10 blog entires a day, or one a week, so be it. There is life outside of the computer..I hear, atleast.
I will find a hobby, build a collection, & make something awesome.
I want to learn to cook new things, make everyone eat healthier & fresher with me & open us up to new foods we haven't explored yet.
I'm going to conquer a list of classic movies, and books.
I want to pamper myself  with beauty products & items that only a woman would get excited about
(household appliances anyone??) & then tell you guys all about it, and offer you guys the chance to do the same. I want my reviews AND giveaways to be something that I'm excited about & I KNOW you will be too.
I want to find the best random & weird pictures this year, and randomly insert them through out my posts.
I am going to get back in shape.But I dont want to do it to put a bikini back on.I want to do it to be HEALTHY. I want my energy back, I want to life for a long, long time. I'm going to start an exercise journey this week, with EA Active, for the Wii. Anyone who has it want to go a long with me??
I want to talk, uninhibitdly about my thoughts, and while I'll try my best not to offend anyone, I'm only human, we ALL make mistakes.

But I want my bottom line to be, this year, for my blogging & for my own life motto.

This is me. Take me as I am.............And don't let the door hit ya on the way out!

So, join me, for my late start to 2010, and I hope its as great a year for me, as it is, for you!


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2 comments:

  1. I love the REAL Claire! Keep up the good work lady!!!

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  2. I just had to smile when I read this post. I feel the same way about my blog, just a tad different though. I have been having a hard time balancing my blog. I want to be my normal bad ass self, but don't want to affend anyone. And then I talk alot about my autoimmune diseases & I don;t want to bore people, but I want to educate & keep things real. I worry too much & I declared 2010 a different blog year. But, I want lie it;s been hard. I felt great after reading your post because now I know it's not just me that struggles. Blog your heart out!!!

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