Wednesday, February 17, 2010

A name is a name is a name.

Ya know what???

My name is stupid.

And, I wish for once in my life, that when I got those free address labels that your supposed to send charity money back in ( I will, when my husband has a job, sorry people) would actually have my CORRECT name on it.

Let me explain it to you.

Apparently when I was born, my mom named me Rachel Claire.

Then, when I was like, 2 or whatever, they were like "Eh, shes no Rachel, lets call her Claire!"


So they did.

I was a painfully shy child, and it sucks donkey balls to be THAT kid, that EVERY SINGLE YEAR, every SINGLE teacher, you have to say " Actually, it's Claire." when they call Rachel.

The teacher makes a note on her little paper chart whatever & all the kids stare.
Someone usually the kid who puts his boogers on a post it, in his desk asks or says something & I'd die a little inside.
Seriously. PAINFULLY shy.
Like "whats wrong with your child?" questions to my mother, kind of shy.

I don't even correct people anymore.
My pediatrician, that I went to from like, 2, until I was 18 and he stopped practicing(he creeped me out, to be honest)  called me Rachel.
My current doctor calls me Rachel, which is hilarious because my mom, works with her dad(has since I was a toddler). She went to high school with my sister, we both have boys & actually discuss play dates.
Yet, to her, I'm still Rachel. I havent taken the time to correct her yet because at 26, I've learned it just isnt worth the effort, half the time.
I AM Rachel, technically.. so..whatever!

Our neighbors thought my name was Liz. I mean, they sent over a baby gift basket after I had Ryan  addressed to Liz, then Mike was like "uh.." and corrected them, after laughing hysterically.
Then he told them "this is really going to freak you out, Claire isnt even her REAL name!!!!"

Some people are shocked when they find out. I had an ex tell me "how the fuck didnt I know that? That's creepy, why wouldn't I know that??" ( try asking, dumbass, I was like, 16, wtf!)

Some people think it's awesome.

I know people who say they want to call their child by the middle name ( hypothetical child,in future speak) and I just say NO!!! DON'T DO IT.

I bargained with my best friend Shannon,(sisters- Sydney,Stephanie,Shelby)  not to name my kids with the same letters if she gave up her want to use middle names.
Both are bad, according to those who lived it.

The whole point is, I was looking for a return address label today. I have like.. 500.
There is no way I'm going to buy them with the correct name when I hasve a GAZILLION ok??
My sorority alumni society sends them to me, and all sorts of nice charities I wish I could donate to, and NONE of them are the RIGHT name.

They're a combo of Rachel, my maiden name, my married name & occasionally an initial, or a dot in there somewhere.I found one!!! With Claire & my married last name, today!!!

It's Ms.Claire

Fuck me.




  1. My name is Shana (sounds like Donna) but my ENTIRE life I have been called Shana (like Dana) or Shana (like Hannah). I have corrected people so many times I feel like a robot programmed to say Actually it's Shana (like Donna). I am truly in shock when someone says it correctly and I usually say Wow you said my name right. I have accused my Mom of not being able to spell forever and tried changing the spelling in middle school. Than I messed up when I named my son. I wanted to call my son Blaze. I had Blaze Caleb Colter picked out up until I filled out the birth certificate and then for some reason I switched it around to Caleb Blaze Colter. Now I regret that because everywhere we go he is called Caleb, which is very common and I like unique. Maybe I need to have it switched.

  2. I feel ya Claire. I accuse my parents of being high when they named me. I am a child of the 70's after all.

    Who names their kid Tiara? Like you I was painfully shy my whole school life. I just wanted to be invisible.

    It was rare that anyone could ever say my name right. No it's not T-air-a or T-errr-a. It's
    T-R-A. What's that? No I don't sit on top of your head and I'm sorry I'm not a sparkly jelweled crown for you. @@. To top it off I also had a messed up last name as well. I hated my name as a child. Always said when I was old enough I was going to change it.

    I like it now though. People still pronounce it wrong but it's not as bad as it was before.

  3. Ok.. I have to admit, when I found out your "real" identity was Rachel.. I felt like "holy crap!! It's official, I know NOTHING about her.. omg..." haha... Panic sets in. Isn't that weird? it's just a name!! lol!!
    Sierra? I got asked "Were your parents hippies" my entire life... One of my teachers called me "Sierra Moonbeam" the entire year. Another said I was an air head and would spell my name "See- Air- Uh" LOL... It could be worse though, my sister's name has been slaughtered her whole like. De Anna (yes there's a space) pronounced "Onna" not "Anna". And we'd call her "Pee Onna"... People always called her Deanna, Deana, you name it... And her middle name is Consuelo. I always said De Anna "Can SWALLOW!" LOL!!!


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