Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I'm all Homer Simpson over here.

 Whimsical Fuckery

To be honest, I've just really wanted to make that the title of a post, for awhile now.
Nothing more, nothing less.
However, apparently today I am feeling all nicey nice & won't put the F word in my title.
Your welcome.

I seem to find that lately,I have lots to say, yet nothing at all.

Expect madness.

I've been so busy working on all of my projects lately, I haven't taken the time to sit down & blather on about meaningless nonsense.
So let's see,what's new?

Ryan is working hard on getting that whole talking thing down, his most recent additions to his ever expanding vocabulary are dinosaur ('saur) potty (as in HEY ANDY..USE THE POTTY!!!!), cow, moo, "lets go" and "All right!!!!!!"
It's a nice change of pace from "I need that" which I'm fairly sure is his first real sentence.
Go figure, a boy after my own heart!

Andy, I am fairly sure, will wear diapers until he's like, 10. Or 5.. 5 could be realistic, although its likely a far stretch. I know I know, he'll potty train when he's ready, but the pressure from outside sources, is too much for ME.

No one tells you that having kids is a race, that the mom in the pick up line at school will offer advice, or the check out clerk at the grocery store will give you a disapproving cluck or how damn bitchy other mothers are, to be quite frank.

I'm lucky enough to have a small small SMALL handful of girl friend who I live & breathe for. Their friendship has lifted me, has dug me out of my holes, has inspired me, encouraged me & they love ME for ME. I'm lucky for them. They each know who they are & they each inspire me every day to keep on, keeping on with the hope that when I'm old, like many of them are, I'll be as cool as them!!  Ha ha..bitches!

I've been feeling SO lucky & appreciative of Mike, lately too. I don't talk about him, much anymore, do I? I have about 10 drafts all about Mike, but I just haven't gotten to finish them. I'll add it to my "to do" list and get around to it next year.
I love him. I really do. I dated a lot before we met, to put it nicely. If the guy was a jerk, I was likely his girlfriend. Mike is a breath of fresh air, even 5 years later, for me. He loves me, he completes me, and I love him too!

I accidently let my drivers lisence expire. How often do you look at your licesne, really?? I try to AVOID looking at it, if anything!!
Apparently, it expired, thanks Ted Striuckland, for the nice postcard reminder.
And thanks to the BMV for tacking on a $20 "expired" fee.
I look absolutely stupid in my picture, I'm out $45 and I bumped into an old guy friend, er, whatever, and his cute pregnant girlfriend which just made me feel like a oinker because when I asked how far a long she was "5 months" as many moms know.. looking at a first time mom, it's hard not to be like "bitch, I look more pregnant than you & I'm WAAYYY past able to still use words like, post partum when talking about my fat ass"

Which leads me to the whole point..Are you an organ donor???? Or, do you know much about it??
I AM a donor, FYI. But I've had some pretty serious questions about it for some time now& the people at the BMV are NOT qualified to answer them.. I got about 2 answers, out of a nice woman, at the BMV in Cape Coral, but here they arent equipped to do much but smile, nod & take my money & shitty pictures.
Anyone know any good resources to find out the answers to my questions???

I'm slowly attempting to un plug, on the weekends. It's going slowly, but as the spring fever is setting in, I'm realizing how much I want the weekends to not be about posting a scheduled review, or press release or whatever it is that I get a bazillion & six emails a day to post. I want it to be about us getting out & enjoying each other, not about a blog, or Facebook, or any other of the addicting madness us moms & mom bloggers spend so much time on.

Matt Logelin is dating.
Yes, I read. Do you??  I love his writing.
If he was a completely different person, who still wrote a blog, I'd still love to read it. I always exit his page feeling more appreciative, loving, and all sorts of other warm fuzzy adjectives.

I havent drank any alcohol in 2 months.
Well, I had some wine on my birthday, because Mike fell asleep with Andy that night & I had a bottle of red from Cupcake Vineyards (.. hello.. cupcake? Mama HAD to drink that!) from a Christmas basket.Mike hasnt drank since the start of January.I am incredibly proud of him for that!
Some of my best writings ( and typo's!) were done 2 sheets to the wind. ((sigh))

On an up side, I've lost weight, my metabolism is regulating it self now that it isn't drowning in beer every night after 7pm, (booze messes that baby UP!!)
I'm almost never hungry. In fact, the last 3 months food has nauseated me SO severely that I've taken to drinking juice & tea during the day ( I NEVER drink juice, empty calories are not my friend) just to keep something in my stomach. I can barely eat 1 meal a day, food just grosses me out.
I lost 15 pounds somewhere, I have no idea from where, but I did! I feel & look better & I really don't miss beer!

..I miss martinis, but I never drank those at home. A gray goose, extra extra dirty with 3 stuffed olives  just doesn't taste the same when you make it yourself.

Oh wtf.. now that I wrote this I'm sitting here all Homer Simpson;"mmmmmm bbeeerrrr"

I am dying to move.
I shouldnt say that, I know I shouldnt.
I'm just feeling really ready to go.
And I've decided I want to move to California. I know, so does everyone right??
I'm bored here.I'm sure when the snow melts I'll be like "Hm..I GUESS it's ok here.."
But, until then. OHIO!!!??? You're stoopid, yes, stoopid, with 2 O's. The worst kind to be...

I have really awful PMS. I thought that PMS was something bitchy women just used as an excuse once a month but the last 2 months, I've had about 3-4 days that have gone a little like this,

((ring ring))
Mike- Hey, they're out of chocolate milk at the store.
Me- WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?!??!!?!?!? Your STUPID! GET SOME FUCKING MILK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and then I eat his head off, like this when he doesn't find the damn milk.

Then I cry. Because I'm mean, and sad & have no idea whats wrong because hello, I've never drank milk in my life,why is it upsetting me so much??

Poor Mikey. See, all my ex's are wiping their foreheads like "thank GOD I escaped that one..I warned him!!!!!" ( seriously.. 2 people, well, 3, including my MOTHER, YES MOM! Mike told me!!! gave Mike warnings advice about what to expect dating me. How rude!!!)

But seriously, other than maybe feeling like a cow when I try to put my skinny jeans on, PMS has never been more than a fairy tale excuse to be bitchy. I'm considering looking into Yaz, because all those commercials paid off & I remembered, that birth control can help with PMS symptoms. Plus, another spawn is NOT in my near future.
Since 99% of my readers are females, who, like me, have caarrraazzzyy hormones from all this breeding madness, do any of you deal with this??
Or are you all just like "damn bitch, your nuts, go eat a candy bar & pop a motrin, works for me!"

On a similar note, holy crap.. If I'm ever a bazillionaire, I'm going to start a program for moms to get "mental health days."
I've never been a working mom, so I can't speak for them, but after 4 years of talking & swapping stories, notes & greifs with other stay at home moms, I've realized.
We need breaks!!
Only HALF of our days are spent on the couch eating bon bons,asshole.
The rest are spent cleaning the same toys up every 5 minutes, changing poops, calming down hair pulling pushing beat em down fights, napping children, folding laundry, making food, cleaning up food after no one eats it, or, throws it on the floor...
I could go on & on & ON..
I just cant get a break that actually FEELS like a break. Not when I'm sick, not on my birthday, not when I'm exhausted.
I'm mom, 24-7. Since I'm ALWAYS here, I'm ALWAYS the "go to" and while I LOVE that, sometimes,
I need more of a break than running to BJ's to buy mass quantities of shit tickets & fish crackers.
I dont want to enroll my children in daycare, when I'm capable & already home to take care of them, and we arent currently on the preschool bus.
I'd LOVE a safe, secure, happy, place to be able to take the boys just once in awhile, for a "mental health day" of my own. I posted this on Facebook once & 30 comments later, I can safely say, I'm not the only one who likes this idea. So..
Obama? You really havent done much for me so far, bucko. How about you hop on this idea,kay? Thanks.
But really, being a SAHM is something you dont "get" until your one yourself. Mike doesnt get it, he asks "what do you think I do all day, play games & have fun with friends??" It isnt about what your doing, its about where you are & the lack of children & responsibility for them that is freeing & the "break" that can be much needed!
I think that's the one thing that I envy, of moms who work outside the home. They're still mom, but that time outside the home, social interaction with someone who doesnt spit their food into your hand, or ask you to wipe their butt, is pretty valuable!
It isn't about being out with out kids or being away from them, its just about being able to be out & be ME. NOT being MOM for a small time, not chasing a child. Its about being able to breathe, I don't care if your out of the house cleaning toilets, if your kids aren't there, its a break & a relief that only a mom can understand.
Of course, then after an hour we're all "hmm..I wonder what the kids are doing..." But its the point of wanting to miss being home, being with the kids, being mom, everyone needs time to just be THEM, even if its just an hour. 

Another interesting fact. Ryan will be 2, in April. It recently hit me, that this is the age that Mike took over night duty with Andy. Andy nursed through my ENTIRE pregnancy. I was 42 weeks, with him layin gon my giant belly, nursing. I couldnt take it at night, so Mike took over. Now, I'm realizing that Ryan, is the same age & man... I need my sleep & I want THIS kiddo to get OFF THE BOOB!!

Yep. I'm an extended nurser. I'm a freak  hippy, crunchy wacko mom, according to some, because I not only nursed past 6 months, but past the 1 year mark. In fact, Andy just recently weaned himself, maybe, a month ago???
Holy boobies. I wish you were mine again, but even if you were, I'll likely never quite feel the same about you, after seeing the things I've seen you mammary glands do.

Ahh.. ((sigh)) This was longer than I intended, I guess I just needed to let it all hang out.. much like my boobs, eh??

So if you read all the way down here ( or skimmed, I'm cool with skimming) Congratulations to you! Thank you! Have a squirrel,




  1. LMAO! ok see that is brutally honest and the reason I gave you the beautiful blogger award. you so deserve it. For today you can have another title.. my hero ;o)~ btw if you get bored fightingthefatty.blogspot.com is also me.. I started WW on January 4th have lost almost 40 lbs TYVM since Dec 20th!! I sort of go on and on but i hear its pretty amusing :o)

  2. Wow .. hun... I love you mama but lots to comment on...I have nothing to say on the beer... I don't drink, just cause I have never wanted to.. I mean once every year or 2 my husband will buy some Smirnoff. Yeahhh...

    PMS I get it BAD... Those are the days I make the kids sandwiches curl up with a book and chocolate, and throw video games at the kids ;). Ok maybe not throw... Unless they won't go away, hehe.

    And OMG I would sooooo join your mental health day mom program seriously... I haven't had a break from all of my kids since.. oh since the day I went into labor with #4.... yup... Oh though my MIL last summer she was all "Oh let me give you a break" and took the 3 older's for a week and left me with the 2 year old.... real fucking break right.. then I had to entertain and play with a 2 year old who was used to having 3 playmates 24/7. All day long.... I forget how hard it is sometimes to have just one kiddo... That was a fun week but not really a break KWIM.

    Oh and nursing... My littlest weaned right before Christmas (she just turned 3 on the 17th)... I was happy and sad at the same time I mean I had been a nursing mom since my second was born, nursing through pregnancies and tandem nursing, for the last 7 years... Who would have guessed that when I stopped nursing my bra size would go UP two sizes @@ stupid boobies...
    ((((((hugs mama))))))))) I love you and your blog too! :)

  3. OMG...your posts make me laugh. And apparantly they make me want a dirty martini at 7:30 in the morning. Thanks a lot! lol


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