Sunday, August 9, 2009

I stand by my thoughts...



I've been tempted to send in a Secret to Post Secret for awhile now..

All I need is a picture of the back of our toilet after a morning of Mikes ass & my beloved quote "My husbands only contribution to his household, is the shit stains on the back of the toilet"


I also have decided Obama needs an UPGRADE program for Spouses. I'll trade mine in for anew model that is mute. Mike will likely trade me in for... well, anything but me.

Here's a recent image-

Imagine me, sitting outsider STRESSED OUT, reading a book, trimming split ends with the hair scissors I had just bought & then lost & recently found ( huh?)
Mike comes outside "Ooh, I'm gonna cut Ryan's hair with those"
Me- "Fuck no your not! I just found em & I'LL trim his bangs..I've been meaning to but I waited to wait til I found where I put these scissors!" ( Note, I hid them so Mike doesn't use them to do things like, cut through metal, or popscicles!)
Mike- "Okayyyy"
Me- "dont you touch his hair!!!!"


Fast forward. I come inside at shower time, hop in the shower..Mike has been giving both kids "Blago" combovers so their hair is wet... I brush Andys teeth & take Ryan for a rock/nurse/head to bed snuggle... I go to run my fingers through his hair.. LIKE I DO TO SOOTHE HIM TO BED..

And a 1/4th of the way in..THE HAIR STOPS..

I stopped & yelled "MIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!??!?!?!?!?!" Yeah... I did. Holy hell.

Mike comes out "What?? OH! I cut his hair..it was IN HIS EYES.. I TOLD You this!!!"

Me-" ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS???? You CHOPPED his HAIR off??? is first hair cut??? WTF?!?!??!?!?!??!"

Finally I rationalize & tell him to go the F away & to NOT TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW.

Holy Hell. For those of you who have know, or followed along.. I severaly messed up on Andys hair & I kid you not.. there isnt a week that goes by at this age of Ryans that I dont look at his wispy bangs & think "Thank goodness I don't mess his hair up like I did Andys!"


Yep. Mike went & blew that all to hell. Ryan has a blunt cut across the front ( CROOKED) the back's curls are GONE & ONE side has scissor tracks showing how Mike "cut straight across"

Ready???



OMG!!!

Needless to say, the night ( and last few days) has been filled with alot of "YOU STOLE MY BABY!!!" and angry remarks on my part ( YOU DUMBASS WTF WERE YOU THINKING?????)

I wept, I laughed ( actually I didnt, I'm still too pissed) and I realized.. Ryan looks like Lloyd from Dumb & Dumber..only chubby.. and a baby.. I cracked a joke while ticked that Ryan looks like a Fat Lloyd & now Mike thinks its I'm A-OK with his F-Up & can crack "Fat Baby Lloyd Jokes"

MIGHT be humorous if Andy hadnt decided he MUST WEAR a bike helmet ALL day long.. Hello, Theres Something About Mary!!

OH..And he has refused to not wear anything but a 24 month ROMPER ... Andy wears between a 5t-6.... 24 month... His..junk.. is taking a beating when he tries to snap them shut (eek)....I've been scouring Ebay for a romper in HIS size & have officially buried Ryans until Andy has one of his own!

My poor, poor children..I swear, between my weirdness & Mikes genes, we shouldnt have gotten a new car, we should have gotten a small, yellow bus.

(((sigh)))

I love my boys, I really do..but MAN.. Some days I wish they'd gotten more of Mikes math skills & less of his um.......weirdness??? ;-)

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4 comments:

  1. i laughed, i cried. i really laughed when i saw ryan's haircut. it's good that he still looks really cute even after this though right? that is one cute kid. does this mean the boys will be enrolling in tard u?

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  2. This must be why they make so many really cute hats for little kids - so we see their darling little faces and not the haircuts we inflict on them....lol... he'll always be a cutie!!
    mom

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  3. Claire, you never fail to make me laugh. He's cute even with crooked bangs :)

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