Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Let me tell you a story.

About a cat named Fluffy.

One day a long long time ago, a extremely affectionate cat showed up in our yard. When I say affectionate, I mean.. whorishly annoying with love.They type of cat that obviously once had a home, as she suddenly just appeared & was very very friendly. I remember once, Mike & I arguing & he walked outside to smoke. I peeked out the window to see him & saw this cat was sitting on his shoulder, like a parrot. I started laughing, he heard me through the window & the fight was over. She stuck around, following you from the second you got out of your car, all the way to the back door. She'd meow at the door. We couldnt let her in, but we started to feed her.

In the summer, I sit in the back yard & devour books during the day when the kids nap, its my "alone time" and this cat soon came to lay by my feet.

Our neighbor Bob, took a liking to this kitty & his wife told me in privacy "He calls her Fluffy.. and leaves the garage light on for her!" So, Fluffy she became. In the winter. Bob let her live in the garage he was remodeling, she could get out on her own but we'd all let her in the door when we saw she wanted it.

Fluffy came to look a little pudgy. Mike guessed she was pregnant. Then, over months, she wasnt, I just said she was fat from all the feeding we all did to her!

Then Fluffy was fat again... and fatter..and fatter. And then she had 2 babies in Bobs garage! (Turns out, she'd had more babies previously in someone elses barn!) Her kittens were born the same week as Ryan, and I knew just how shge felt, she didnt let them out of the garage. No one could get near them & she only snuck out for rubs & to get her exercise.

Her 2 kittens were cute! One was gray & one was orange, a combo of her. They leaped around the yards like dolphins, with these crazy high hops that cracked us all up, but they were un touchable. One time the orange one got stuck in my garden & I had to lift it out & thought it would have a heart attack it was SO terrified!

I made it my personal goal to get these cats to love me as much as I loved them & I am not ashamed to say, a few nights Mike & I would try to corner & chase kittens in attempt to hold & snuffle them! I might have even made one run face first into a fence in attempts to get away from me.. MAYBE.

I began bringing ice cream outside, bits of fish, steak, chicken, even good old cat treats! Mr Gray warmed up to me first. I snatched it up & held its terrified tiny self & got SO excited it started to relax I made the bad mistake of trying to come inside to show Mike. OUCH.

Eventually, Fluffy got weird.(Read HERE for that story) Like..walking around coughing, looking kinda twitchy kinda weird.She left her kittens, would hiss at them when they ran acrossed the yard to see her & run away. It was like she was trying to keep them away! We didnt get it & were kind of ticked, these kittens LIVED on our picnic table & we sort of felt protective of them where Fluffy wasnt!

But, we still fed them all, the kittens navigated to us & Fluffy stayed with Bob. One day Fluf was just gone. No one had seen her for awhile!

In the mean time, my bathroom smelled like fucking SHIT. I mean. I was BLEACHING it daily feeling like we were just disgusting human beings!! The fan in the bathroom pulls air from under the house, which is also the same area our trash can is. I went outside & scrubbed our recycling bins, the trash cans, you name it. When that didnt work.. Mike opened up the crawl space under the house.

And there she was.Poor fluffy in all her dead glory.Under our HOUSE. Mike actually threw up, he said "she was MOVING" (well, she wasnt..the maggots were!) and when I told him to get her OUT! He said (yes Hailey, here it comes..)

"I cant move her..shes too.. JUICY"

(((gag))) You can also click HERE to read the original post about this lovely story.

Thank GOD we just rent this place huh??

So, we got a bunch of lime & covered her up to.. um.. dry enough to be removed. Poor Fluf! The kittens no longer had a mama! They slept under the kids play toys in the back yard, and we'd flip up the swimming pool when it rained. Both of them turned out to be pretty lovey, and just as whorish as their mother in the affectionate department!

Bob tried to find them homes. We all fed them, they didnt let anyone pet them but Mike & I ((beams)) I love animals, can ya tell??

Then one sad day Mr Gray dissapeared.. and didnt come back. And we were really, really sad. Poor Orange kitty just seemed sooo lonely & alone! (ETA- We later found out Bob had gotten them BOTH homes, but couldnt find Mr. Orange when they came to pick them up, so just Gray went) The 2 of them we'd sneak in the back laundry room at night to play with us & once or twice let them sleep inside as it had been getting cold. Now the poor orange kitten was all alone, he'd sit outside & meow, and just to sit on our windows, he'd even sneak in between our legs to get in the house!

Every night was the same "If we're going to take him lets just DO IT" then the next morning "Oh thank God, we dont need another cat" LOL

But with the orange cat all alone & the weather getting cold.. I found something sort of like a Planned Pethood ( yes, there actually is a Planned Pethood in our state) that people can bring feral cats into, have them spayed/neutered & given shots for practically nothing & then returned.

We decided to look into it & at the same time realized, OH! He was actually a she.. And she was pregnant. She wasnt even 6 months old yet! So, we took in Ms. Whorey Orange, got her a cat abortion & all her shots, cleaned up, and spayed. (Read about that HERE)

We brought her back home figuring she'd be still an outdoor cat only to have the doctor somberly approach Mike at post Op pick up.. Turns out Orange has the Cat AIDS. You can read about that one HERE.( I have to say, its one of my favorites.. the story of our cat & THE AIDS)

Putting her back outside would be a death sentence. And Mike said "I didnt just spend over $100 on her ass to let her die" So.. an in cat she was!

And an in cat, she remains!

The point of all this is.. random as I ever am.

I got a new camera for my birthday and finally figured out my macro setting & thought somethign interesting to try it out on would be...THIS
All that remains of poor, poor Fluffy.

She was a fabulous, loving, special cat, her many off spring still roam the neighborhood & Chuck (Yes, she is a girl & I named her CHUCK. I also call her Chuck a luck, Chuckles, WhatthefuckChuck? and Chunkles) the cat, our new orange cat, roams my home...and occasionally after a few beers, even my heart!!!

Fluffy, your much missed Mama!!! Andy still snaps his fingers whenever the door opens & clucks for "Flussy!" Your whorish ways will roam the neighborhood in legend for eternity!


  1. Holy crap Claire you need to write books! Seriously!! Poor Fluffy and what a way to test your macro settings. lol

    Kayden has the same PJ's as Andy. =)

  2. Dude I hate the Juicy statement, and the picture EEK. I am so glad the Lime ate that little whore away so I didn't have to crawl under there and take her out for you lol.


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