Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I'd like to thank all the little people out there...

I got an AWARD!!! Okay.. I have a knack for *winning* things, but that has to do with the luck of the draw, which I somehow have had since I was a kid, but when it comes to LIFE luck, I am shit OUT of luck, so to speak. I always won the "good try" awards, ya know?? Yeah..I was THAT kid.

So, this super awesome chick who I think might secretly be my sister from another mister awarded me my first Blog Award today!!!!!!!! ((This is where I beam with pride)) Baby Rocas Mama ( uhm.. my new found sister, whats your name?? lol) gave me the

Honest Scrap award!!!!!!!! ( Does anyone else remember when people waved their fist in a circular motion in the air & barked "whoowhoo" in what always reminded me of a dog woof??? If you do..insert here please.)

So basically..she was like "OMFG Claire, your SOOO amazing & I LOVE you."... or.. she was like "You tell shit like it is sista" take your pick.. I like to imagine the first, personally.

SO! Here is the deal-i-o!!

Here are the rules Kind Blogger:

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated.

Please give more attention to these writers.

Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

Honest Scrap:

A) List 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!

B) Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap

So, this is actually ironic, my new found twin must have sensed something deep in my soul, because I was recently thinking "With all these sexy new followers..ALOT of things I say wont make sense since they don't actually know me..I oughta do a "me" page which DUH, would be filled with SCARY honest things, so this is just fab.

1- Shit..now I cant think of anything..
Hmm.. Okay.I seriously fucking hate people. I mean, WTF is WRONG with everyone!?!??!?!?! Moms beat down other moms for using __ diapers or using __milk or doing __ at night time. WTF was this joke of "motherhood comraderie" you read about??? Men are just stupid too, so they fall in the *people* category..I guess.. and Senior citizens tick me off to NO end. Don't get me wrong, I'm not disrespectful to my elders, but after living in South Florida & seeing the snow birds.. I seriously wanted to smack a bitch. Like, come on Grandma.. a 9 and a HALF month pregnant chick is REALLY going to steal your purse?? I'm over here bloated & munching in my 80th candy bar, not eying your crusty old bag.

See?? Those are just 3 categories of stupid annoying people, women, men & old people.

Don't even get me STARTED on the rest of the world!!!

..I suppose this could lead into..

2- I think I have a medical condition called "lackofpatience" My kids can rip my eyebrows out & I wont blink an eye at them, but my mom could tell me "Sound it out!" when I ask for the spelling of a word & I want to pull her hair out. I dont have, never HAVE had & likely never WILL have patience. It's probably my worst quality, that and being a real fucking bitch.

3- My entire life people have always thought of me 2 ways, Stupid, or arrogant. I dont open up TRULY to THAT many people..but when I DO, the truth is..

- I'm not stupid..at all actually! I'm pretty damn smart, maybe I dont care to spell check, or talk about the world, but the truth is.. Most people just cant hold my interest enough for me to even focus on what they are saying. I'm not dumb, I just dont give a shit what rambling is coming out of your mouth.

- I was arrogant at one time.. Back when my 6 foot tall self was about 110 lbs, I was tan & didnt have a flaw on my cute self.. I'm 6 foot tall..still.. I have had 2 kids in less that 2 years & they both forced candy down my throat through my stomach the entire damn pregnancy & made me fat. I'm lacking in the self confidence, however, I'm a firm believer in.. you are seen how you present yourself. I dont have to think I'm smoking hot.. but when I'm out & about & talking about myself..I believe in talking about myself the way I'd like to think other people should see me..if you do that enough, you can convince yourself & anyone else & TRULY believe in ANYTHING. And self confidence is WAY sexier than a perfect body anyway my fellow mamas.

4-I'm tandem nursing. Yep. It isnt something I throw out there for everyone, but. I have a 2.5 year old & a 10 month old. I nursed Andy all through my pregnancy.. I nearly ripped my hair out, but I did it. Annnd he still is nursing. I know, its nuts. The average age of weaning in the world is between 4-5. So, thank God, we arent there yet. But uh.. yeah... I'm like a freaking cow to my kids man.Moooo.

5- I had NO plans to move 1300 miles with Mike when his family needed him to come back home. NO plans.. We'd been dating barely 5 months & that itself was a on & off again thing.. I was thinking "Well..I know my ex wants me back I guess.." then one day I was looking at him on the balcony & thought "Shit.. I dont want to never see him again!!!" and decided to go! I gave myself the chance to fall in love with the first man I'd ever been with who was GOOD. And I'm GLAD I did.

6- I pee in diapers on a rare occasion, BY CHOICE. Yeah..you got something to say????

It all started when Andy was a baby, my bladder wasnt quite back to normal yet & we went for a walk on a Bike & Hike trail & I had to freaking pee!! There was NO where to go .. so.. when the bikers were clear..I stuck a sposie in my pants, peed.. wrapped it up & put it in the bag, just like I would if he needed to be changed. I'd piss my pants before using a public bathroom. Period. Germs freak me the fuck out. At 42 weeks pregnant with Andy I peed at a Walmart & it was one of the darkest days of my LIFE. Fast forward to Andy being a year old.. we were grocery shopping.. I'm pregnant with Ryan, we get in the car & start driving & OHGOD..I have to pee..BAD. SO!! I went for the sposie..I mean, pregnant chicks are like "I gotta pee" every 5 minutes & its like.. a drop or 5.. so.. I grabbed the sposie , the boy was strapped in.. the groceries were about to melt.. come on.. Welp..Long story short..the diaper runneth over. I peed all over my freaking self. I had to take off my underwaear & drive home slightly damp... I havent done that since. However, if It came to a nasty ass bathroom, or a diaper. You can laugh allll you want, but I wont be the one catching the skankies from that shit smeared on the wall my friends!!!!!!!

7. I pee on my feet in the shower. Yes. Got something to say?? Urine is one of the most sanitary things there is, the Incans used infant urine for eye wash. Betcha didnt know THAT. But actually..I just have sweaty feet & it takes the sweatiness away. Serious. Try it.

8. I scare myself. Yes, I only actually say a SMALL amount of things that I think. I believe if I said them all, I might be committed by someone who heard my thoughts ;-)

9. I really dont have a ton of friends anymore man. I was the girl with lots of guy friends/ex's who kept in touch..need I say more?? Once I was off the market, those fuckers dropped like flies. Some of the girls just..well.. its different when your priorities arent getting drunk anymore.. when you have kids, when people get mad you dont want to be pregnant & sit in a bar b/c it looks trashy... You know how that goes. ((eyeroll)) I just dont relate to the people I know who ARENT parents & the ones I knew who are now parents, I dont relate to either. The quote "Having a child no more makes you a parent, than having a piano makes you a pianist" should sum my opinion on that up quite well!! I just dont feel like I relate, or agree with *most* people anymore, and often, its lonely.

10. I seriously have a lack of self control.I stand in the corner of elevators & put my hands in my pockets because that red button just SCREAMS to me.. ANY random button I see ANYWHERE that shouldnt be touched..I want to touch. No, I've never had a desire to pull a fire alarm..I just really want to smush my hands all over all sorts of buttons that are red & ask not to be pushed. I sometimes have to even sit on my hands to keep them under control. It is a sickness.

Here are a few people I'd like to see do this!

Ashley, Miss Ashley is new to blogging, so she needs a welcome from everyone & some encouragement. She has strong opinions like myself, but I'd say where I am out there, she's probably more conservative but I guuess I like her anyway.So! I'd love to know 10 things about her!!!

Pamela, Pam is my twin. Pamela ALSO owns a really amazing shop called Pampering Delights,which is a host to some of my favorite obsessions! Check it out & try her new creamy foot scrub!!!;-) She's so much like me, it scares ourselves.

Hailey was raised a Mormon in Utah.Her stories rock my world & they will yours too! Although, she does a family blog, so she might have to sensor!

Mandy over at Ramblings of a Cat Lady- Ohh Mandy.. shes my super sexy swing mama ( not swing-ING, just swing sickfuck) She owns Cat Lady Candles, which is the only place anyone, who is ANYONE goes for tarts..Be sure to ask for "Claires Cloves" its better than sex, if I do say so myself... Shes as random & hilarious as oh..say..ME!!

Sarah at Grin & Bear It. I've known Sarah since we were 13 & sitting on a bench chatting with her at lunch in junior high school. Now she's a mom of 3 LITTLE boys.. Three very YOUNG boys.. like.. She makes me look saneas far as the kiddos go but truly,shes as crazy as I am!!! You KNOW hers will be fun!!!

Sarah over at Thoughts from the Toilet Bowl. I came acrossed her blog recently & was in love at first title. I'd LOVE to see what she comes up with on the pot for this one!

If you do this, PLEASE come back & link me so I can read everyones!!!


  1. OH MY FUCKING GOD! You are hilarious! I'm sorry I didn't comment on this sooner, but my reader is having issues and this post never showed up.

    My name is Shan. I try not to reveal too much on the webby...stalkers and all...LOL

    And, yeah, I think we may be sistas....I "get" you! =P

  2. OMG. Girl you are a riot! I'm literally laughing my head off & seriously, if you check out my blog, you'll see that that is amazing. (I'm under a lot of stress right now with a possible pregnancy.) Anyway, just wanted to drop in & say you are funny!

  3. I am glad this finally showed up!!! I am going to have to think about this, what can be totally interesting about me but still safe for my mom to read...oh gosh :X
    I think I might have to grow up and Start an "adult blog" but it will never be as cool as yours lol.


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